FKIN

From the moment I stepped off the plane, I had just enough time to be late for my next flight.  I rushed to the next gate and swiped my boarding pass.  I stepped into the tunnel and the cold air hit me.

Oh fuck . . .

The bird was tiny, hardly more than an toy.  I climbed inside.  The lone flight attendant frowned at me.  ”Are you the one we’re waiting on?” Read the rest of this entry »

Distinguished Organ,

On the eve of this Great Offensive I take the opportunity to offer you my gratitude.  Your sacrifice has been great these many months, and the character of your service is without peer.  You have put yourself to the hazard in this great War on Boredom.  Without your tireless devotion to The Cause we would be lost.

We have met the Enemy a thousand times.  We will meet him again.  We will fight him in the streets.  We will fight him in the bars.  We will not rest until he is vanquished.

There are those who believe that we can never defeat such a foe.  This malaise lurks in the darkest corners of the hearts of men.  His weapons are insidious, his action slow and terrible.  However, it is here that he betrays himself – for he cannot bear to face us honorably.

We will not defeat him by overcoming him, but by the act of fighting itself.  Our conviction will see us through.

Our Cause is noble.  Our battle is just.  Our courage shall not waver.  We will look the Enemy in the eye.  He will know our name is Death.

Faithfully Yours,

Max

Wally Balls is an old friend of mine.  Big and I have know Wally since high-school.  After a few years of community college, Wally moved to Rochester to attend RIT.  Since then, I can count the number of times I’ve seen Wally on two hands.

A week ago I found out Wally was back in town.  We got together for lunch and made plans to go out Saturday night.  Unfortunately, a plan is just a list of things that never happen.  I left several messages with Wally on Saturday morning.  By afternoon he called me from the road to tell me he had left town early.

I was not happy.

Read the rest of this entry »

As I look outside it is snowing like a cold day in Hell.  I spent my afternoon drag-assing through this miserable slop.  A thick, wet blanket of snow covers everything.

People who spend their lives inside love snow.  They watch it fall past their office windows, sighing wistfully while some stupid grease monkey scrapes the pavement so they don’t have to get their shoes wet.  I am that stupid grease monkey. Read the rest of this entry »

I watched an old man do the junkie shuffle out of an apartment this afternoon.  Graffiti dripped slowly off the walls nearby, smothered in methylbenzene gel.  I glanced over at my co-worker, said nothing, and leaned my head back on the seat-rest.

“Stupid muthafuckas,” he said.  ”They gonna get ‘em for ‘Endangering the Welfare’, plus dealin’ in a school zone, plus whateva else . . . “

I looked across the cab of the truck, to the Elementary School across the street.  Parents were double parking along the block.  Snow was melting rapidly in the afternoon sun. Read the rest of this entry »

A carload of people I knew from high school drove by me one night while I was running.  At 3 am.  They were coming back from a party I hadn’t been invited to.  I caught up to them at a stop sign, and they asked me why I was running at 3 am.

Because it was raining, I told them.

They asked where my shoes were . . .

I didn’t want to get them wet.

It seemed perfectly logical at the time.  I ran on the soft tar where I could, drizzled by DPW workers to cover cracks in the road.  I only made it a couple of miles.  My feet were covered in blood blisters afterward.  I had to wrap them in gauze and tape the next day for my morning run.

My feet wept through my shoes for days.

Germans are a serious lot.  They like their women blonde and their warfare scorching.  They want perfection in everything, and will invent the math to have it when necessary.

I am very serious about my drinking.  I have, over time, worked it down to an art form.  I cannot call it a science because the outcome is never certain.  However, with a lot of practice and a bit of old Kentucky Windage, I can make it look like one.

Drinking is about method. Read the rest of this entry »

I have a problem with Evolutionary Psychology.  Specifically, I have a problem with how some members of the Game community interpret Evolutionary Psychology.  Evo-Psyche is used to define what it is to be a Man.

Evolutionary Psychology is a scape-goat science being used to market a product.  (Read More at The Spearhead)

Old music tonight.  A tune that has been out of my rotation for at least five years.  It has been a rough week, but this song is not helping my mood.  If I’m smart, I’ll lock myself in my office tonight and eat sedatives until I wake up in a puddle of drool.

I know that won’t happen . . . Read the rest of this entry »

The Rules are simple:

1. Don’t use coke.

2. If you use coke once, you’re a cokehead.

3. Never trust a cokehead.

She was not the prettiest woman I’ve been with, a middling 6 at best.  The way she dressed made matters worse – all jeans and sweaters – so I was pleasantly surprised when she peeled them off.  Her breasts were larger, her body curvier, than I expected.

What she lacked in curb appeal, she made up for under the hood.  Her sexual appetite was voracious.  Rodeo clowns aren’t this motivated . . . Read the rest of this entry »