Is this really all that anyone has to gripe about Steve Jobs? That he was kind of a dick and he didn’t give to charity? Gawker accuses Steve of being a dictator. He bullied people. He was authoritarian. He used child labor.
No fucking shit.
Look at every product Apple churned out under Steve Jobs. Clean monochrome plastic and aluminum. Mind numbingly ascetic. People are calling him a fucking polymath and he has my taste in design . . . that is, none. Steve Jobs was designing the future for the sexless, lifeless people from Star Trek: The Next Generation . . . People who don’t drink, who wear tidy little turtle-necks, and walk around maintaining their three-foot distance from others with strict non-offensive body language.
The Job-o-philes of the world are a sorry, jerk-off generation of geeky techno hipsters who contributed more to Starbucks‘ stock price than they did to actual civilization.
What did Steve Jobs actually contribute?
– The iPod: Jobs took an existing technology, repackaged it in crappy plastic, and kicked it out to the masses. His company made computers. The iPod was just a peripheral, and the real success was the creation of iTunes. I’ll admit to owning an iPod Nano. It’s old as fuck and doesn’t work. Gen 1. I bought it because, at that exact moment, the market for MP3 players was smashed. There really weren’t other worthwhile options.
– iTunes: Jobs devised a way to sell MP3s to the masses cheaply so that he could capitalize on the iPod. Really, he came up with a sexy looking version of Napster that charged money. Holy fuck. Somebody give him a one-hand clap for that.
– Computers: At the time of the iPod’s birth Apple was making shit computers. Their greatest achievement was that they invented the Graphic User Interface. Wheeeee. Jobs was fucking thrown off that project, and it was really Steve Wozniak who was responsible for that anyway. Once Woz left daily involvement in the company, the pioneering stopped.
Unless, of course, you reeeeaallly like Photoshop.
– iPhone: Wow. Steve Jobs took the Cell Phone and gave it a . . . gulp . . . bigger graphical user interface. He made it a combination MP3 player and Game Boy. Clever. Was it reeaaaally original? It wasn’t like he designed the fucking hardware himself. Ultimately it was just a plastic potato chip with lousy battery life that NO ONE COULD LIVE WITHOUT unless they had thoughts of their own.
– iPad: An iPhone. Bigger. Seriously, Steve Jobs looked at an iPhone and said, “How big can we make the screen?” Then they kicked out a big fucking iPod Touch.
Steve Jobs was a douchebag. He had the design sense of the Third Reich, minus the passion. He was a brilliant marketer, I’ll give him that. He found ways to package shit that made millions of assholes buy it. Then he sold it as a “lifestyle”, and made all the assholes BIGGER assholes. He repackaged things, made them stylish and simple, and rebuilt a computer company as a lifestyle accessory company. Jewelry for SWPLs.
Steve Jobs sold ice to eskimos.